.tied up.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

fear.

i don't wanna go back to sch.
i fear...
i fear everything's tt placed before me.
i fear sch.
i fear them.
i don't really know how to face them.
like.
how can i say "i'm happy to be with you guys"
when really. my heart's somewhere else?
hmmm.
i don't know how i'm going to cope.
i don't know how i'm going to please both sides.
i'm scared.
i don't know how to face that huge monster.
i don't know how to reject them.
i don't know how to say,
"i can't make it cause i've got other more important things to do."
argh.
stupid.
why did i get myself into this mess?
why can't i get myself out of it?
why didn't i take a stronger stand and say NO?
why?
why did i let this go on?
how stupid can i get?
argh.
nvm.
i'll find a way.
i hope i don't disappoint too many people.
i want quits with that stupid "power".
i want peace & happiness.
joy. and lotsa smiles.
i don't wanna go back to sch.
i want to just train and train.
and be with my teammates.
what can i do now?
cry? wallow?
pretend nothing's happen?
stupid.
hmmm.
argh.
i don't know what to do.
i fear.
i fear the whole of next month.
i fear the pressure.
i hope i have the guts to face that monster.
okay.
i shall pray for strength.
yepz.
tt's what i'll do.
must face it.
i will face it.
monster.
~~fear~~

[ Jude whispered ][ 10:21 PM ]

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